Ask the Profitess #2

Dear Profitess,

First of all, I just want to give honor where honor is due and give thanks to the $pirit for calling you forth into the ministry, and to say "many thanks" to you for answering the call.
I was really depressed and low on cash, and then I heard you speak with such authority as you declared increase over all my storehouses. I was so grateful, the $pirit moved me to make a sacrificial offering and sow into your ministry. The $pirit bore witness and confirmation because when I handed you my humble offering, you jumped around and told me that the $pirit had just shown you the words, "Make me a cake first."(I Kings 17:13)

Sister Profitess, I will never forget the tears in your eyes as you told me how you initially resisted the $pirit's prompting, because you saw that I did not have much to be giving in the first place. You told me how you feared for your soul for being disobedient by not telling the Word: Make me a cake first. But then you told me how relieved you were when the $pirit prompted me to give you what money I had, without you having to ask. As you told me this, and hugged me and encouraged me, my spirit bore witness and I prayed in my prayer language all the way home! I will never forget that day!

That was 5 years ago. My financial situation has not gotten better since then. I'm at the same job, and I've gotten 2 raises; but they don't match with the 3 increases in rent I've had. I didn't know it at the time, but when we met I was pregnant. Now I have ravenously hungry 4-yr. old triplets to feed. That's right, TRIPLETS! I know you prayed and prophesied for increase but I know you were talking about financial, not more mouths to feed!

QUESTION: Not only did I sow a seed into your ministry, but into countless others. When am I going to get my returns? You and at least 10 others have prophesied over me that I will have millions flowing in. Um... when? I know I'm not supposed to doubt God or ever get angry at His messengers, but um...it's really hard to hang on.

Sincerely,
Sis. Holdin' On By A Thread


Dear Sister Thread,

Thus saith the $pirit:
I hear your cries, yea I see your tears. I am there when you are praying at 3:00 in the morning while trying to get your fussy toddlers to go back to sleep. I know the pain. But I am faithful. My word does not come up empty. Read Isaiah 7:10-14. Ahaz was told to ask for a sign, but was afraid to. Then he was told he would be given a sign anyway: a virgin would conceive, and his name would be called Immanuel.
Everyone knows who this virgin-born Immanuel is right? Now, was Ahaz around to witness the birth, or at least to meet this Immanuel in person? No! Ahaz had been dead for many, many generations. However, the seed of Ahaz got to see the fruit of that word come to pass.
Remember, Sister; profitic promises are not empty. They just take a while.
You may die poor. Does that mean all your sowing seeds into the kingdom was in vain?
NO! Your triplets' great-grandchildren will make millions! Even if a million US dollars is, by that time, minimum wage for a year, that does not make the profitic word less true!
So stay strong. Give praying. Keep praising. Keep praying in an unknown tongue. Keep sacrificing.
Be not weary in well-doing.

Hallowed are the Ori,

The Profitess

Ask the Profitess

Q. Dear Profitess,
I went to church with my best friend, and it really creeped me out. The pastor was laying hands on people and they fell down - but they fell backwards. Every time I read about someone in the Bible falling down in the presence of God, they fell forwards, like on their faces. This really confused me. My friend kept telling me to go up for prayer, but I didn't feel comfortable. I don't know if I'll want to go to that church again. What do I do?

Sincerely,
Newb with Questions

A. Dear Newb,
REPENT! That was not just your friend telling you to go up for prayer - that was the $pirit prompting her to give you godly guidance. That feeling of uncomfortableness you were feeling was actually a demonic spirit of Uncomfortableness. That demonic spirit didn't want you to feel the power of the $pirit, and did everything it could to keep you away.

The demonic spirit of uncomfortableness is also known as the spirit of Questions and Intellectualism. You had an opportunity to resist the devil, and he would flee, but instead you held on to it, because it feeds your prideful flesh.

People who operate under the demonic spirit of Questions and Intellectualism are actually bound by the strongman called Pride, because they take pride in feeling "smarter" than us anointed folks. But see, the $pirit will take the foolishness of this world to confound the wise.

While you were standing up there nit-picking over which direction people fall down in, the faithful were getting their blessings and breakthroughs, while you remained bound by a demonic spirit of Confusion. See, Confusion is the fruit of Questions and Intellectualism, which are the fruit of Pride.

But Newb, I have good news for you today. Somebody say "Good news."
You don't have to stay confused!
You don't have to stay stupefied!

Turn to your neighbor and say
"Neighbor!"
"Don't Stay"
"Stupefied!"

Now clap your hands and give up some praise. Now give a shout.
Now stand up and run around the outside of the building, shouting "GLORRAAAY!" and then come back.

See? See how you're questioning? That's that evil spirit.

The only reason you won't do what thus saith the Profitess is Pride.

That's alright, though. Just send in your tithe, firstfruits, faith seed offering, and pledge, and I will be your personal Profitess so that you can overcome the evil spirit of Pride and prosper during a drought.
You

Finally Answering the Call

All those spirit-filled, tongues-talkin', finger-waggin' church folk were right: I couldn't run forever. For years in my youth, every time I would go to church (mine or somebody else's), someone who "see" an anointing on me. So many people have declared me to be a Profitess. I didn't believe it. I didn't know what to make of it. I mean, someone declares a great anointing on your life, and what are you supposed to do?
Sometimes other mighty people of Gawd would shake my hand upon first meeting me, and ask "Why are you running?"
How do you respond to that? I didn't know I was "running." From what? My divine culling? I attended church far more often than the average Christian teenager. I gave practically all the money I ever came in contact with every time I got the chance. I didn't know how to "not run."
But every spirit-filled, fire-baptized, obama-shot-a-hyundai church person I knew was accusing me of "running."
Well, folks, here I am. After years of training among the best at the Church of Jemimah Manifest Destiny of the Latter Rain, Highly Favored Saints Assembly of the High Culling, I hereby pronounce my acceptance of my anointing as a Proftess.